And I tell myself I’m not an alcoholic and that it’s a phase that I’ll get over. I mean I’m only 20, I don’t know myself how do I know I’m an alcoholic? I had some hard nights drinking, my priorities will shift and I’ll be fine. LOL NO. I’m a fuckin alcoholic through and through as described by the big book and I identify at every meeting I go to. I’m a raging alcoholic inside and out with and without booze and to fool myself into thinking I’m not is the mental part of this disease. Also I looked at a wine bottle at my friends house and it had literally one small glass missing from it and the rest was full. It’s been there for a week. What the fuck is the point of having one glass of wine or having alcohol in your house without immediately consuming it?… And that’s when I realize oh shit maybe I an alcoholic for realz
As we were laying in bed last night he said this to me, “have you ever loved somebody so much you love every inch of them inside and out? The good the bad the ugly, the perfections and the flaws, you love every single piece of someone?” He was saying this as he was touching my breastbone across my rib and then said, “like this piece of you, it’s like I just discovered this, I discover these parts of you I can’t get enough of.” He said, “this morning when I had ADD and I was bugging the hell out of you, I went to the beach and realized something, it’s just that I was so overflowing with happiness I couldn’t properly express it, and it wasn’t until I realized the extent to which I loved you that I fell in love with you all over again today and had to tell you how much I love you and how happy I am.” He then went on to name the parts of me he loves from my painted nails to my butt to my laugh and the way I look at him, naming everything in between. He said I was the love of his life and he’s so happy he found me, finally. I told him after all of this how I felt like the luckiest and most special person in the world and then I fell asleep in his arms. No love has ever or will ever compare to this, I’m so happy.
Why do I question if what has happened what’s necessary when I know deep down nothing in gods world happens by mistake. It all happens for a reason so why try to analyze it and change it instead of just relishing in the good and riding out the bad? Life isn’t as complicated as we make it, I just need acceptance that whatever comes my way I am strong enough to handle it and deserving enough to have the joy and happiness that comes from time to time. As long as my behaviors don’t hurt others that I love, I should always do what makes me happy no matter what that is. That doesn’t include listening to other peoples advice as if it were a solid truth about my own life. I can take what I want and leave the rest, and enjoy the beautiful conversations and positive life experiences that are given to me by the grace of God.